Ruining Beloved Songs by playing them through Wii Music


“I’m here to help you discover that you’re a musical maestro too!” “I’ll show you the basics of making music with instruments here!” “But first, can you tell me who you are?” (laughter) (laughing) He’s back! It’s our only Mii on the console! “It’s a pleasure to meet you, I want die!” (laughing) (wheezing) “Now, I bet you’re wondering how to play instruments on the Wii!” (still laughing) “It’s easy! Just hold the [controller], then mimic playing an instrument!” So basically, air cu- air guitar: the game. “[The] first one is for instruments that have keys, like pianos!” Oh, God, just him looking at the camera. Okay, let’s play the piano, guys. (music) (increasingly aggressive music) (aggressive Wii Remote shaking noises) Actually hit my legs quite a bit there, ow. (chuckling) “How’s that? Feel like a pianist?” No, yeah, I’m in pain. “Go ahead and try strumming. Just have fun with it!” ‘kay, this is a sick little ditty, uh… hasn’t been played too often, called “Wonderwall.” (guitar strumming) ‘kay, “So, while moving the Wii Remote, press C or Z on the Nunchuk or B on the Wii Remote!” “OK, enough talk!” (music) (wheezes) I call this just one note. “Before trying more complex songs, I like to start new students with ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little [Stars]’. It’s an important first step.” (dying music) Wait, who are those people in the background? (dead piano noises) I’m just gonna play with my right hand. “Making music is the most natural thing in the world, so always enjoy yourself to the fullest!” “Oh, by the way! You can also save your jams!” “In Wii Music, you’ll save your jams as videos…” “You’ll rate your own jam videos with popularity points, to design a sleeve for your own video.” People are gonna be able to smash the like button on my Wii Music videos. Oh, Go- we have to make, like, a… band cover. It’s beautiful. (chuckling) “And that brings us to the end of the basics, from jamming to saving videos!” “Show off your style with many different instruments! Make lots of videos! Express yourself!” ‘Saying “express yourself” so often. “Now, if you want to jam some more and save more videos…” “Select Jam from the main menu…” “Then play a Quick Jam to jump right into a jam…” Do you like jam? Jam. “Play a Custom Jam to set up a jam exactly the way you want-” to jam. Make sure… that, “Both kinds of jams can be saved as video” jams, so you’ll” jam “have a nice” jam “video” jam “library” jam “before long!” Jam. This is all the music we have available. Wha- Why is there five songs? Okay, well, we’ll go with this one because it’s got a different colored note. Actually “Daydream Believer!” “Made famous by the Monkees, this happy tune was at the top of US charts in 1967.” Oh, we gotta go with the bass drum. Wait, we have congas? Maraca- maracas aren’t… Okay, well, that’s percussion, it’s not drums. We have a tambourine, we have bells… castanets… like, which one are we going with? Oh my God, there’s actually quite a few instruments here. (music) (RT MY EARS) (chuckling) (laughter) Oh… (laughing) The fucking guy in the back, just, like, going ham! Why is there a dog suit? That’s not an instrument! So, how much did you like that performance? Let me know by giving it popularity points!” I think it’s a banger. (chuckles) Oh my God, they’re massive! (laughing) Why are they so big!? “‘Daydream Believer,’ I want die & Friends.” (chuckles) (laughter) (more laughter) Oh no… (laughing) Oh no… (still laughing) “[…] all come together just like you wanted?” No, yeah, it… worked out pretty well. (“Ho! Hip! Ho! Hinnie!”) Oh no. Okay, wait- what- What else have we got? “Hand Clap.” (chuckles) (clapping) (music plays) (laughter) (music resumes) They all just look at you… (laughing) (music resumes again) (bit donation alert) (music resumes yet again) (music continues playing) (music resumes once more) Oh, this is like, a creepypasta… (laughing) (music resumes one more time) (laughter) (cymbals clashing) (laughter) Ah, what’s wrong with ya!? Come on, we’re picking up the tempo! (laughter) (laughter) You know, it’s a fast “Four Seasons.” No, Christmas has been taken over the other months. We lost November recently. Only a matter of time before October falls as well. Go, violinist, go! ‘eyo, we’re gonna start seeing, like, Christmas adverts in September soon. There’s no hope for humanity. No hope whatsoever. January’s been turned into, like, post-Christmas month. It’s just post-holiday sales. And in the moment we get into February, they’re already selling Easter eggs. Time is collapsing around us as we speak! (sighs) “Don’t worry if things sounded a bit experimental!” Oh, don’t worry! It was an experiment, all right! We have to do F-Zero, then. This is the most difficult one. (chuckles) There’s no one else here, it’s just me on the back of a truck with a bagpipe! You know, this is the precursor for the vibe in the Oculus Rift if you think about it. It’s a combination of, like, kind of motion controls with an immersive experience. That guy with the turntable there… (chuckling) Perfect. This is like — this is a classic, we gotta do this. We tr- we really tried on this one. (chuckling) I wanna stress that going in; we gave this our all — Why is that guy naked in the street? (He isn’t…) That guy at the front really looks like he wants to jump. (laughter) He just wants to get out of this scenario. Oh no. He just wants to get away from the band. Let’s do this one. Can- can I change the tempo or anything, like, th- there’s other setting that were mentioned. Oh, God. “‘La Bamba,’ The I want die Band.” Here we go. (laughter) (more laughter) Oh, God… It’s the fact that they — it… kinda sounds right. The dogs… I’m just gonna make it a single note. There we go! It’s just so eerie… (laughing) (laughter) (more laughter) “‘Do-Re-Mi,’ I want die & Friends!” (laughing) Okay, we gotta try it. W- We gotta try for this one and, like, change the instruments to things that fit. Like, this is one that it — like, this is one we don’t want to mess up. It’s, like, stuck in his nose as well — Oh my God. I’m so sorry! (laughing) (laughter) The bagpipes… The bagpipe- (laughter) Oh- (laughter) Oh, they’re on par with everything! (laughter) Oh… Oh my God, the bagpipes are just too strong. They’re too loud. (???) Ba de ya… (laughing) Oh my God… (laughing) Okay, there we go! Yeah, there we go, that’s the album cover.

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