I HATE MUSICAL.LY


(Siren) (Depressedly)
Apparently I’ve been having… “too much fun” in my newer videos. I don’t sound… MISERABLE, or… …DEFEATED enough. Bit like I have a cold. (which I currently do) Well, it’s hard to talk about musical.ly, or ‘Musically’ without seeming completely hopeless and in agony, so there we go. Musical.ly, or Musically or… ‘Musi-cal-dot-lee’ – or as I like to call it, ‘bad.parenting.ly’ – is an app where you mime along to a few seconds of your favourite terrible song then publicly post it on a stupid app for the whole world to see. (Pop song) It’s also a clever way for marketing companies to effectively use models to get hits on YouTube videos, promote an app and sell pop music. You know most websites have a Terms of Service which says something along the lines of ‘you have to be at least 14 years of age or older to use this website, please tick this box if you can confirm that you are indeed above 14 years of age.’ Well, I think Musical.ly has the exact opposite Terms of Service, as in… I don’t think you’re allowed to use the app if you’re over the age of 14. (Pop Song) I try my absolute very hardest to not throw around this following word a lot, because, in our current state of an online community, certain words lose all poignancy because of how overused and misused they can be. This word in question of course being: ‘heteroclite’, the only word that contains both ‘hetero’ and ‘clit’. Musical.ly is quite the heteroclitoris of an app. Am I really at the point now where I just don’t get it anymore? Where social media is getting so advanced and ridiculous that I can’t even keep up because it’s outpaced me and the things I can understand. People have only just learnt how nice it can be outside because of a Pokemon app, so I guess it’s not too crazy of a thought process, is it? If you’re someone who still doesn’t really know what I’m talking about, as in, you’re sat on the edge of your seat waiting for me to explain the point of Musical.ly as a service, well, it… really doesn’t have one, it is vapid by design. (Pop song) Out of all of this social media nonsense, it’s the most bare-bones and insulting of them all. Twitter has a use, Facebook is shit but it has more going on, Snapchat is weird and confusing but at least it has a fucking point, that point being to send nudes. Kid in video: Check them out I wanna see you, maybe you can get some JO merch Guy in video: Fo Sho Yo Kid in video: That’s my last show on the boys of summer tour (slowed down) Fo Sho Yo IHE: But this. It’s embarrassing, pathetic, and even potentially damaging to idiotic, moldable young minds in my opinion. Okay so I guess the app does sort of have a purpose, I just don’t like acknowledging what that purpose is… because it makes me feel a bit sick. (Pop Song) You may or may not know of the despicable ‘Don’t Judge Me Challenge’ from a while ago. Wait no, it’s still going. That’s sad. Well, I’m not gonna explain what it is if you want to find that out, go watch my old video. But it effectively is the same shit as that. Meaning, if you wanna be a success on Musical.ly you have to do the following things. Number one, be conventionally attractive. Number two, be conventionally attractive. That’s right folks, the thing that requires talent, energy, planning, creativity, expression, artistry, (chewing) work, has already been done. (Pop song) (yelling) Stop You’re miming over the work that’s already been completed, so as long as you look attractive or funny while doing it, then I guess that’s what passes as entertainment on this app. And this is the part that seems somewhat damaging to me, or potentially at least, I don’t fucking know. You may thing I’m being ridiculous when I say that, but hear me out. I mean, according to famousbirthdays.com, which you know, isn’t very reputable as a source or anything, like the 7th and 8th most popular people on the website are Musical.ly stars. I don’t really know what that means and Jacob Sartorius is there too so you know, this is a thing. So if people like Jacob Sartorius or any other of the bland lookalikes who rule the app are the types of people that our youth are looking up to and making celebrities, then think about it. You don’t really like them as a result of some kind of skill or talent, or even because they’re funny or charming or a character, it’s because they belong on a fucking billboard. They’re a model and that’s it. And not a role model, I mean like a model model, you know, a catwalk model thing. It is fun to rag on people like Justin Bieber or any number of popstars or celebrities, but at least if Justin Bieber is your idol, it might inspire you or promote you to take up singing, or learn an instrument, or even have a go at writing music which might develop your skills or promote something other than… just being hot, right? If your idol is this guy, or whoever this is, then like, of course you’re gonna wind up being a boring fucking shell of a human who cannot hold a single conversation about anything interesting or challenging for more than 3 seconds. Dad:
What do you wanna be when you grow up son? Son:
I wanna be Justin Bieber because he’s rich and famous. Dad:
Well, we’ll get you some singing lessons and you can learn the guitar, Dad:
and maybe… just maybe… Dad:
you’ll be a star like him one day son. Justin Bieber:
uhhh Dad:
What do you wanna be when you grow up son? Son:
I wanna be a Musically-er. Son:
I wanna be a… Son:
I wanna be a Musical.ly-er… Son:
I wanna be a Musical-dot-ly-er. Dad:
A what? Maybe Musical.ly is just a rite of passage now. You download it when you’re an idiot moron 10-year-old, who probably shouldn’t actually have possession of a mobile phone yet, then publicly embarrass yourself for the whole world to see. And then maybe it will teach you to be a bit more careful about what kind of shit you put out there, and only then are you worthy of moving up the ranks to embarrass yourself on things like Instagram, Snapchat, whatever the fuck kids use nowadays, I don’t fucking know-! I put forward to you a little challenge – a little Mu- Musical- Musical dot- Musically challenge. Go on to the main page of the app and have a little look at the featured tab, then record how long your TTW is and leave it in the comments. The TTW, of course, is my own invention. It stands for: the ‘Time Til Wince.’ So leave how much time it took for you to wince… in the comments. I’m so desperate to not use the word, – you know, The Word – that I’m reverting to words like ‘wince’ for God’s sake. If you don’t know what wincing is, it’s when someone makes you pull a face, somewhat similar to this. After going through far too many Musical.lys, my final TTW is a shocking average of 0.383 seconds recurring. The mean of course being a slightly higher 0.45676589. I fucking hate Musically, I despise Musical.ly. I think it’s shit because I don’t understand it, and I think it’s vapid and bad for idiot children. Is that a fair list of reasons to hate it the way I do? Probably not, no. Sound from Musical.ly:
(Screaming) Shithead! Sound from Musical.ly:
I’m gonna shove these up my ass. Sound from Musical.ly:
(smashing) Someone’s got a lawsuit on their hands…. But if I have to sit through one more incredibly unfunny comedy Musical.ly I’m gonna set myself on fire and launch myself into fucking space. Keep this shit to Vine. We don’t want it leaking out into other outlets of social media. So those are my thoughts on… Musical… Music… Music A-L .ly I don’t fucking know, the worst app ever. Umm… ‘Shake It Off’, Taylor Swift… fuck you. What do you think about Musical.ly? Does anyone actually like it? Does anyone actually use it? Does anyone who, like, watches me, use this fucking app? Tell me what you think in the comments, like I’m actually genuinely curious what people think about this garbage app, like, that goes beyond: ‘Wow it’s, I saw a video of it of someone doing a diss track of a Musical.lyer’ fuck you, shut up. So whatever it is, feedback or not, probably just dated, tired memes, go ahead, do what you like, I’m not stopping you. Search For The Worst is coming along nicely it is 8 films so it’s really fucking long, it’s taking forever. Also I have a cold, and I just got a puppy, so, you know, and other shit, so you know be patient I appreciate your patientness. And as always, thanks for watching, all comments and ratings are very much appreciated make sure you check out some of my other videos, and playlists, and channels, and whatever the fuck I do. I’ll see you next time… BYE. Also, completely unrelated side note, BlastphamousHD is still a godawful channel who uses buzz words like ‘RAPE’, to get infants to click on his videos. That’s shameful.

22 thoughts on “I HATE MUSICAL.LY

  • August 30, 2019 at 5:25 am
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    I never use Musical.ly or Tiktok.

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  • September 1, 2019 at 2:11 am
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    Oh my god you were so close im an idiot moron ten year old that probably shouldn’t have a phone but I have TikTok

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  • September 6, 2019 at 9:35 pm
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    TTW: -2.5 seconds

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  • September 8, 2019 at 4:59 pm
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    I’m glad this app is dead

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  • September 10, 2019 at 9:03 am
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    It got rebranded and sent out again… what cheats we have here, huh?

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  • September 18, 2019 at 9:15 pm
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    I got a tik tok ad wow

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  • September 22, 2019 at 3:58 pm
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    I get a til tok ad

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  • September 29, 2019 at 3:11 pm
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    I thought the app was something like soundcloud

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  • September 30, 2019 at 12:21 pm
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    5:02 that kid is gonna be doing a musically and get hit by a train because he thinks he’s cool by risking his life, dumbass

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  • October 1, 2019 at 9:22 pm
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    Shame on me for playing Roblox, a kid's game, but at least give me some credit for paying for a 15 Robux pass to gain the ability to push any avatar wearing Tic Tok clothing to the ground in Ragdoll Engine. Great times

    Edit: I changed the app name to it's new version because it contained a link to their website, I couldn't sleep tonight knowing that if I hadn't fixed it

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  • October 1, 2019 at 11:42 pm
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    Couldn't even get past the 1st video…

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  • October 2, 2019 at 11:09 am
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    Got a tik tok ad on this today got a musically ad the first time I saw this

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  • October 2, 2019 at 6:15 pm
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    here is some words to ALL OF YOU Musical.ly users.

    Delete the app now.

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  • October 2, 2019 at 6:23 pm
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    Some dumbasses in my class use Musical.ly

    So I beat the hell outta them

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  • October 12, 2019 at 11:59 am
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    I got a Tik Tok as before this video started.

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  • October 15, 2019 at 12:23 am
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    0.1 seconds

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  • October 15, 2019 at 1:49 pm
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    Cause we all get lost sometimes an-

    DIEEEEEE

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  • October 15, 2019 at 5:33 pm
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    why aren't you just saying cringe

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  • October 18, 2019 at 4:32 pm
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    Point of Mucical.ly:…. Ummmmmmm shit I forgot

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  • October 20, 2019 at 6:19 am
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    3:44 what is that scream sound called?

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  • October 20, 2019 at 2:55 pm
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    Back in my day, when somebody had a fancy phone. We played Pou, Minion Run and that one driving game.

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  • October 20, 2019 at 6:43 pm
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    Nowadays being good looking is what your social status is based on. I can play 3 instruments, I’m pretty good at soccer and I’m a self taught anime artist. But I’m not the best looking. If you have skills but don’t look good than people dismiss you as nothing. It’s bull ****. I hate things that being hot is the only good thing about you

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  • October 20, 2019 at 10:29 pm
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    CRINGE

    Reply

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